When you think of the word “leader,” what words come to mind?
Probably some words such as, “influential,” “followers,” “results,” “performance,” or “popularity.” Traditionally, a leader is someone that gets results. If they are in business, then a good CEO or business leader is someone that gets profits. If it’s a lawyer, then it’s about winning cases or how many clients they can retain. If it’s a teacher then it’s how well their students perform on tests. If it’s in sports, a good coach is based on their win streak or the number of championship titles. Regardless of the industry, leadership success is based on results.
Results are a big component of leadership. While some leaders can get the results and help with the company’s profit or bottom line, it may be only for the short term. Their success may be short term because, in the long run, their employees are leaving or quitting on them. Research shows that one in two people are leaving their jobs to get away from their bosses. People aren’t quitting their jobs as much as they are quitting their managers and bosses. The results-driven style of leadership is missing out on a bigger component of what leadership truly is.
There is a shift happening toward a new type of leadership. It’s a leadership that is not only based on results but also on relationships. Relationships define leadership. Blank Warren shares that “because the personal relationship defines the existing quality of interpersonal interaction between the leader and would-be followers, followers will not join the leader without the requisite relationship. Leadership is the relationship.” I heard a quote in a leadership workshop that, “Leadership is relationship.” The essence of leadership is the relationship. The quality and strength of the relationships show the quality and strength of the leader.
Your employees and team members want a relationship with you and their bosses. The University of Chicago along with the American Association for Adult Education and the United Y.M.C.A did a survey over two years to find out what people wanted to learn. They found out the primary interest was in health. The second was relationships. People are hungry to learn how to connect and interact with each other. They want tools, tips and resources on how to best relate with other people both in their personal and professional lives. Having a strong and healthy relationship is not something that most people are taught. We aren’t taught this in school. We are taught how to add, subtract and write grammatically correct sentences. But how often are we taught how to listen, speak and connect on a deeper emotional level? There are a deep desire and hunger in having deep and meaningful relationships with others.
This is where emotional intelligence has been a big buzzword in the business world. It is a term that was coined by Daniel Goleman in 1995. Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is being able to manage your emotions as well as learning how to have healthy relationships with others. People with higher EQ scores show more success and ability to thrive in an organization. For instance, researchers show that executives with higher self-awareness of themselves and others were the best predictor of success in their organization.
There are other benefits when the leader has a high level of emotional intelligence. The leader is able to help their employees perform better. Kouzes and Posner share that, “When leadership is a relationship founded on trust and confidence, people take risks, make changes, keep organizations and movements alive. Through that relationship, leaders turn their constituents into leaders themselves.” Employees were aso happier and less likely to leave. According to Corporate Leadership Council, employees performed 20 percent better when they were committed and more engaged at their work. They were also 87 percent less likely to leave the company. It is an overall win for the team and company. When the leader focused on building healthy relationships then it results in better teamwork, fostering and maintaining morale as well as handling stress and conflict. Research shows that leaders with higher emotional intelligence were also more financially profitable as well. Overall, it is a win for everyone involved.
This doesn’t just impact the financial world. It also is true in the nonprofit and church world. Dr. Jeannie Clarkson researched among 250 pastors in the midwestern United States in 2013. Her research found that pastors with higher emotional intelligence were more satisfied and had a sense of personal accomplishment. This means that they were less likely to experience burnout from ministry. Also, her research showed that pastors who had a higher emotional intelligence score had less conflict with trying to juggle the expectations that others had of them along with their own expectations. They were able to live and make sense of those competing values. Lastly, she found that pastors who based their work on the success or failure of the ministry experienced higher rates of emotional exhaustion and burnout.
She shares that, “It means that a high degree of emotional intelligence helps leaders experience less frustration and more satisfaction and success—significantly reducing the chances of burnout. That data convinced me that EI is key for becoming a transformational spiritual leader and—as a by-product—avoiding burnout.”
Emotional intelligence is not something that was invented or discovered by human beings. It’s something that God has emphasized since the beginning. God’s definition of leadership has always been about relationships. God created us for relationships. Leadership is a relationship according to God. He shares this in the Great Commandment in Matthew 22:37-40.
God defines what makes a good leader:
37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
Matthew 22: 37-40
These two commandments sum up all the 613 laws of God in the Bible. The keyword is love. The action that Jesus commands believers is to love. But there are three different groups of relationships involved to live out these two commandments. The first is God. We are to love God. God is the most important person in our lives. He is the creator and author of life. We need to love God first and most importantly. The second party involved is our neighbor. Jesus commands that our neighbors aren’t just our literal or physical neighbors. It includes anyone and everyone that is in need. Every person has a need so essentially every person in the world can be considered our neighbor. We need to love and respect every person.
The third group involved is ourselves. We can’t do these two commandments if we aren’t involved. We need to participate. Jesus shares that we need to love our neighbors as ourselves. There is an assumption and understanding that we love ourselves. Jesus isn’t talking about worshipping ourselves or living for ourselves. He’s talking about the importance of respecting ourselves, taking care of our basic needs such as physical, emotional, and spiritual health. Historically, people typically focus on themselves first. Jesus says to start with God and others first. But that doesn’t mean that we don’t care for ourselves. There needs to be a level of care and concern for your own being. We can’t just give and love others without us being filled and cared for. The perfect example is when you fly. Part of the safety instructions states that in the event of cabin pressure changing, there will be a mask that drops for oxygen. Instead of putting on the mask for your kids first, the instructions clearly state to put the mask on ourselves first. We can’t love others if we aren’t getting oxygen and life into ourselves too.
Therefore, a good leader focuses on three relationships. Their relationship with God, relationship with others and relationship with themselves. Each of these is important. The quality, strength and depth of each of these leaders determine the success and effectiveness of a Christian leader.
What makes a relationship good and healthy? According to the Great Commandment, it is love. Love is what defines the health and strength of the relationship. Love is the source, motivation, and end goal of the relationship. It is what fuels the relationship to continue to grow and thrive. It is the source for all relationships and in leadership.
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