“I don’t want to be a burden on people.”
This is what a church member shared why she didn’t want to share her struggles. I think that’s something we all can relate to in one way or another. I know I have. But this mentality and view leads only to isolation and that’s very dangerous. I responded that no one person can handle and be responsible for our feelings and struggles. That would be way too much. This includes your spouse! It’s important that we have several different types of people that we can go to to connect with. In fact, we need five people in our lives that can help support us in our issues. Each group will be able to give us wisdom, support and comfort that no one person could give. God designed community to surround us in our time of need.
1) God
This may seem like either an obvious or cop out answer. It’s not. God needs to be the first person we go to to express and connect with. And the best part is that he’s assessable 24/7 and he can handle anything that you throw at him. Don’t believe me? Look at King David. He wrote the Psalms. One third of the psalms are laments where King David is real and raw with God. This is also how I also express myself with God by journalling. If I can’t fall asleep at night, then I know that something is bothering me. I’ll journal my thoughts and express what I’m feeling at the moment. I write it down because it helps my mind and brain to slow down. It helps me to process and organize my thoughts rather than trying to do it on my head. After I pour it all out, I’m in a better place to listen to God and allow God to pour into me. I’m able to listen and hear what God is telling me about my thoughts, feelings and situation. I usually always leave my time with God feeling more at peace and at ease. It doesn’t make the situation fixed, but I’m in a better emotional state. There are other ways that you can connect with God such as prayer walks, art, praying while running, or painting.
2) Trusted Friends
These are the people that you turn to that you know will listen to you and support you. You may feel bad about unloading on them but they want to be there for you. But it’s also important to have realistic and clear boundaries. They aren’t your therapist. They can listen and support but each person has their own threshold. Friendships are always two ways streets where you also need to listen and support them in their issues.
3) Small Group
God designed each person to be in a church family through small groups. Small group is your spiritual family. They help you connect with God with your issue. They also can offer emotional support, prayer and counseling. They can give you a different perspective about the situation and what to do.
4) Counselor/ Therapist
Every person should go to counseling even if it’s just to get a regular check up like an oil change. Some may feel that counseling is taboo or don’t want to pay for this service, but it’s a game changer for many of us. For one, they are trained professionals to help you understand your emotions and situations. Also, they are there purely to listen and assist you. They are there for you so that you can be more self aware and empowered.
5) Pastor, Mentor, Coach
We need someone that is ahead of us in experience or life stage. They can provide a sense of wisdom and guidance to help us see the bigger picture. They can give you resources and point you in the right direction. Pastors give you spiritual guidance with God. A mentor will show you their lives and support you. A coach will help give you solutions and help you to believe in yourself.
When you only have one person to share to then you may in fact be a burden on that one person. But if you have five different people that you invite into your life, then each person can carry the weight of that burden. You are surrounded by a community of people that love you and support you. That’s the way God created and designed us. We need a village to help us through our issues.
Which person do you need to get in your life today?
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